But I don’t like spam!

I remember a time when spam referred to a type of processed pork in a can. It was one of those things we ate because cold meat in other forms was expensive and harder to get where we lived at the time. Nowadays spam is the torrent of unwanted messages that show up in our email, social media, instant messaging, blog comments… you get the idea. WordPress blogs are no exception to this and I regularly get lots of spam comments.

I look through the spam comments every now and then to make sure that Akismet doesn’t get it wrong sometimes. I’m often struck by how bad the language and grammar is in the messages and how little meaning they have. Sometimes they are even funny because of the poor wording. Today I’ve gathered a small collection of some of the best/worst spam messages I currently have in my spam box.


Apparently Gutman’s book or slavery will enhance your immune system. I don’t want to know how.


Luckily blocking spam isn’t so tough.


James Bond needs grammar lessons and is supposedly on a mission involving Frame buffers and hard disks. This was posted on Frame buffer and Hard disk follow up.


They love to use the word fastidious, ironically very un-fastidiously.


So in order to get the best crop you need to set your hair on fire and leap as high as you can in your field? This is not good news for my Dad who has little hair and couldn’t jump high enough!


Structured water is important? Who is Clayton Nolte? Someone with a broken hot water system? What do these things have in common with a screen capture of Silent Service II?


An enthusiastic loser! Training for something indecipherable. They certainly have met defeat with the spam filter.


There seems to be a large monster beat that can take constructive criticism. Anyone wish to master the percussion tone?


This dude has a weird fetish where he finds software or websites “doable”. Only on the internet.


Posted on Medion Laptop Repair. His room mate must have either been a laptop of the Medion variety or someone who repaired such machines.

The very odd thing about most of the spam I’ve been getting is that it has mostly been posted on a few screen shots for a few old DOS games I wrote about quite a while ago. This is probably the least likely place for anyone to see any of the content they have been posting.

I’ve also noticed some common trends amongst spam. They are usually devoid of anything that really makes any sense, and frequently just try to flatter their way into getting their link into your comments section. The ones that have strange blocks of text seem to have randomly used a thesaurus to change something that was poorly written to begin with into something even more convoluted.

I once got a spam that revealed more about how they are generated. It basically showed a block of text with some sections encoded with alternative words or phrases. I’m guessing the spammer software selects alternatives at random making some of the text sound very strange. It seems in many cases a thesaurus was used to pick synonyms which often sound awkward or just plain silly. Sometimes they didn’t bother using synonyms making the text sound even weirder.

At least out of their ineptitude comes a silver lining. Spam filters easily pick up the silliness these guys are throwing around.



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